What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
