ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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