Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
