You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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