So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
