I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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