Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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