He disabled his match.com account in front of me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
