he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
