Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
