Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
