Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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