1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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