WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
false alarm. still invincible.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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