My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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