Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize