I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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