just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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