I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize