She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
MIDGETS
????
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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