i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
NoShamevember. You game?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
