Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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