I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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