I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
