my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
