One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
