Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize