Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
