so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
