There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
tell me about the fingering
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