Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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