i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize