I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
