She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
