It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize