just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
