Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
