I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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