I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
