I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
