Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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