Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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