phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
