My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
