saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
