Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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