My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This baby is an asshole
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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