He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
