Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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