I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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