According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
