He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
