I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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