remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
