I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize