Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
