Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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