I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
