Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
