i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i came on her dog
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
