you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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