billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
