im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
my liver is dry heaving
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize