can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I wear drunk well.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
