That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
