Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize