so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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