She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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